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Steve’s mother died when he was a child and his stepmother was hyper-critical and constantly berated him. Steve felt he had to pull himself up by his bootstraps and worked his way through college.  He received no financial help from his father. Steve went to law school and was a junior lawyer in a large firm working his way toward partnership.

Steve’s feelings of inferiority and inadequacy, left over from his childhood, never left him, but he found  some relief by boasting of his career successes. He was also a name-dropper and associated with prominent people in order to feel important.

  Linda was the child of a divorced family, her parents’ having divorced when she was 12. Her parents had joint custody and she lived one week with her father and the next week with her mother,  shuttling between houses until she went off to college. Later in therapy, Linda said: “I felt like a pawn in the hands of my parents. I felt they didn’t care that I was a nomad. I had to worry whether I had enough clothes at the other house and where I left my homework assignments.  All my parents were interested in was that they be seen to be doing their parental duty in the eyes of their friends. My needs were not on their radar.”

Linda became  a marketing consultant and met Steve at a conference. They began dating and they were married a year later.

Steve would brag to Linda about his deals, which were in the hundreds of thousands of dollars, seeking her approval. Linda’s father was an investment banker and she was used to hearing about her father’s deals which were in the millions of dollars. Linda was not impressed with Steve’s successes and underplayed his so-called successes. She said: “My father closes  million dollar deals every week and you never hear him brag about them.”

If Steve told the children to do something, Linda would undermine his authority and tell them to do something else.

In counseling, Steve and Linda, each successful in their respective careers, learned that each had underlying low self-esteem, which fueled their arguments. They learned that just because they were good at their careers, they each felt personally inadequate and undervalued. When  Linda and Steve  worked  to develop their own sense of self they no longer looked to each other for validation. They were soon able to validate themselves. They were no longer threatened by each other’s successes and learned to engage in a healthy, respectful relationship.

Shut Up and

Stay Married

Seminar

Sunday

February 9, 2014

You will learn to:

  • Build your self esteem
  • Have empathy for your spouse
  • Be in Love Again
  • Focus on the good
  • Not respond in anger
  • Stop taking pot shots at your spouse
  • Speak in intimate way
  • Revive your marriage
  • Communicate Effectively

Spaces are limited

Attend as a couple or on your own

Couples work is preferred

Seminar Leader:
Rabbi Yisroel Roll, LCPC

Motivational Speaker
Marriage Therapist
Self Esteem Expert